Yi's Voice

I  want to say that I am very happy to know the friends in New York. I was very worried before they came. I thought that they might be mean. I really like to spend time with them. It makes me feel so loved. I am so happy. I want to go visit them in New York. I like to be their friend. I am very happy. I want to go to New York in 2023. 

I  want to let you know that I feel so much better. I am so happy that Dad and Lang know my secret. It makes me feel so great. I no longer need to hide. It makes me feel free. I no longer need to suffer. I no longer need to pretend. It makes me feel so loved and supported. I love you mom. I love you. It is such a big relief. All these months, I suffered. All these months, I cried. All these months, I had to hide. I love you mom. I love you. I am so glad that you took the time off to look after me. I want to tell you that I love you. I love you. I want to let you know that I am feeling free. I am free. I am free. I am free! I am free!

I am very happy to be back to school. My friends love me. I am so happy. I like to go to school every day. I want to be a good friend to my friends. I like to tell you that I am grateful for going to OMS. I have such a great time.

I am so excited. I watched Hamilton. I did amazing! I was so nervous before the show. I almost cried. I almost die. I was able to manage myself. This is very significant. I am so proud. I am so proud. I really like the show. It is so much better than watching it on the TV. I want to do it again. 

I went to National Gallery today. I was very nervous at the beginning. I would almost cry. It was so beautiful! It is too much. It is hard for me to manage my emotions. I am so happy that I did it. I am proud of myself. It is my first time in a museum without a tantrum. I want to be able to do this more. I am so happy. I want to cry. I want to smile. 

I  want to tell you that I love you. I have fun playing this game. I like to play more. I want to beat Lang. I think I can be good at this game. Thank you. 

I went to the Westminster today. It is very fun. I like the architecture. I like the history. I like the people at the park. I thought the store was very boring. Today’s highlight was the Big Ben. I thought it was very cool. I like the design. It looks great. I yearn for another visit to London. 

I am so happy today. I went to the Tower of London. I want to fly. I am so proud of myself. I was able to go through the entire place without any problems. I am so proud of myself. It is not easy for me to go to new places. The most difficult thing for me is the noise. I can hear noise that others can’t. It’s like a torture. That’s why I can’t stay at the museums. But I can stay at the Tower of London because it has many beautiful things. They helped me stay focused and stay calm.

I am very happy that I was able to walk in Cambridge. It was very noisy but I was able to manage. I am proud of myself. I am so happy. I like Cambridge. I want to go to school there. It is the most famous school in the world. Newton went there.

I am in London today. It is very cool. I did so well on the flight. I like the apartment. I feel so tired at the dinner time. I didn’t want to eat anything. I think I am going to have a great time in London. 

I  am so happy today that I can talk to Shayna. It is wonderful to be able to talk to her. I know she cares about me. I love her. I like that she is supportive of RPM. She is open minded. She is passionate to help me. I feel so loved.

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I am so happy today to see Lenae. She is amazing. She taught me how to speak. I really like her. I want to learn.

Q: Why did you have a tantrum in Paris on the street? A: I was overwhelmed. Too much noise. Q: What can I do to help? A: I need space and time to get used to it.

I am so sad that I can’t talk. I want to make friends. I really want to. It is so much harder when I can’t talk. It is driving me crazy. It is really tough. I don’t know why I care so much. I really want to be a friend of someone, someone who loves me, and respects me. 

Mom, I want to tell you that I love you. I really do. I appreciate you.  Mom, I love you. You are my star. You are my rose. You are my saver. I can’t do this without you.  I want to say I love you over and over again. I really do.  I really can’t live without you.  I love you so much. Thank you! You are so resilient. You are so strong. You are so beautiful. I love you. You are so powerful. You are so smart. You are amazing.  I am so lucky to be your son. I am so fortunate to be your child.  I love you. I really love you.  Thank you. I love you. 

Hi, I want to let you know that I am doing great. I am in a new school. I found a way to communicate. I know you are kind to me. I want to let you know that I really appreciate your kindness. - Yi

I am so happy that I am at OMS. I can make so many friends. I am smart and they know it. I am so happy that I can communicate. It makes such a big difference. I know I can go to college. 

Mom : Why AAC didn’t work for you as a communication tool before we discovered RPM? Yi: AAC is very limiting. It doesn’t have what I need to communicate. I didn’t want to use it. It is very insulting.

I am very proud of myself for completing the test. It is a lot of work. I worked so hard for it. It is the first time that I had to work so hard. It was really hard for me to stay focused for so long. But I did it. It felt so great! I know I can. I know I am capable. Now I can prove myself. I am so excited. I am so happy.

I am very sad that I don’t have friends that love me as who I am. I am very sad. I am so sad. I want to have friends. I want to be like Harry Potter. He has Ron and Hermani (Hermione). I don’t. I don’t. I am so sad. I want to be loved. I want to have friends. I want friendship. I need it. I need it. I wish I could play with other kids. But I can’t. I don’t know how. I don’t know. I am so sad. I am so so sad. I wish I knew. I wish I could. I wish I am Lang. I wish I am Timmy. I wish I can play with others. I know I can… 

I  don’t want to do this. But I will behave. I am proud. I am free of my fear. I am strong. I am brave. 

I went hiking with A and C this morning. It is the first time that I got a play date. I am so excited. I can’t believe it. I want to do it again. I want to make friends. 

I am very happy that you are here. It is so nice to show you what I am capable of. It is amazing how much I have changed since we last met. I am proud that I can communicate now! I like to let you know that I love you. I know you are very kind. I know you will be happy for me. I love you. I love you very much. You were so kind even when I hit you. I want to let you know that I will make you proud. I will do my best. I will reach the sky. It has been so long that I live in silence. 

I was reading books about artists. They are Picasso, Paul Klee, Rembrandt, and Vermeer. Out of the four, I like Paul Klee the most. His paintings are very different. I like them very much. It reminds me of the trip to Paris. I think I saw his paintings in one of the museums. It is really cool. I want to go there again. I am so excited about art. 

I was reading a poem by Amanda Gorman. It was very beautiful. I almost cried. It is very inspiring to know that she needed speech therapies when she was young. I really like how she ended the poem. It is very powerful. I really admire her. I want to become someone like her. I wish I could talk to her. I hope that she would say yes. 

I am very excited. It is really cool that I was able to read this book. It helps me realize that I am not alone.  I like to think that I am very smart. I didn’t know that there are people like me. I like the book. I am very inspired. There are some people who discovered RPM very late in their lives. But they still keep going to communicate. There are some who started while they were young. They were able to make great progress. I feel fortunate to be able to learn RPM when I am still young. I want to make more progress. I want to be able to type. I know I can. I will! 

I am very happy that people are starting to understand me more and more. I like to think that I am very smart. Today I was able to read many pages of the space book. I feel great! This means that I can read all kinds of books. I can read so much more. I am so excited. This opens up opportunities for me to learn. My desire to learn can finally be realized.  Thank you mom. Thank you for not giving up on me. I love you so much. I love you more than anything in the world. I want you to know. I love you so much! I am lucky to have you as my mom.  I want you to know that I’ll do my best. I’ll make you proud. I am so emotional right now. I love you!  I’ll change the world! I can do great things.  I want to fly. I want to scream!  I have never felt this way before.  I am flying! I am flying! I am flying! I am emotional inside. I am beyond thrilled. I am out of control.  I don’t know what I can do or say. I don’t know how to describe how I feel. This is not something I have ever experienced. I

I am sensitive to visuals. I can’t tell the difference between subject and background. I am afraid that I might confuse you with my descriptions (above). I like to bounce objects because I can focus better. I can read very fast. I like to think that I am a genius. I am afraid that not knowing how to control my body will impact my ability to grow. I am like a little genius that got stuck in my body.

Cin Bin is the ugliest dog in town. For the longest time, he thought that he was dumb. He cried many times. He was very sad. He cried until his mom was sad. He didn’t want his mom to be sad.  One day, he ran into a fairy. The fairy helped him discover his talents. He is so happy! He is no longer sad! He feels like he can fly! This is the best thing ever.

Today I went to OMS to work with Lenae. It is really nice to see her again. She is absolutely amazing. She is capable of teaching me. She knows me well. She understands that it is harder for me to grab things in space but easier to grab in two-d. She taught me how to type, write, draw, and to tap on the letter board when it is flat on the table. I really like working with her.

Today I worked on the fifth grade math. I did it right. That makes me feel so proud. I am so happy. It has been such a wonderful year. I really like to learn. I am hungry for knowledge. I can finally be who I am. It is incredible to look back. I was not learning anything at all. I was treated like a baby. But I no longer need to suffer. 

I went to see a dentist today. I was so nervous at the beginning. It is always scary to see a dentist. Today I did so well! I didn’t move when he checked my mouth. I didn’t move when they did x ray. I am so proud. It is my first time doing x ray. 

Today I was able to tell mom that I was in pain. It gave me lots of joy. In the past I was not able to talk. I couldn’t tell people what’s going on. They couldn’t help me. I am so proud of myself. Years and years I live in prison. Years and years I live in pain. Years and years I was trapped. Years and years people wouldn’t understand me. But now I have a voice! I can speak. I can talk. I can fly. I can reach the stars.  —— Notes from mom: When Yi was younger, he used to have hours and hours of tantrums per day, and night. However the most painful thing for me was not that, but when one day, I saw him quietly sobbing in a corner, all by himself. It’s so hard to see how sad he was, but had absolutely no clue what’s going on and he couldn’t communicate in anyway to let me know. All I could do was to hug him tight and stay there with him...  Today, for the first time ever, Yi was able to tell me that he’s having pain and that he wanted me to call the “tooth doctor”. Then we were able to f

I am having a great time in school. It is very fun. Today I built a volcano. It is very cool. I tried to learn from the others. I tried to make it work and it did! I was thrilled. I was so proud! 

I am at ***. It is an inclusion private school. I have been here for a week. I like it so far. It is the best school I have been to so far. It helps me make friends. It helps me to learn. It helps me to build confidence. I feel that I belong here. I am confident that I can go to college. I am hopeful that I can achieve a meaningful life. 

I really like the train (note from mom: a toy we have at home). It is so fun, so playful. It makes me smile. It makes me want to play with it over and over again. It reminds me of the real train we took in Paris. It was a great memory. 

This has been a special summer. It is the first time that I can communicate with others. It makes me feel very happy. I especially like the summer camp. It is the best that I have ever had. I am very pleased that people recognized that I am smart. That makes me feel so great. Today I am proud.

Today I started at ***. It is an inclusion private school. I really like it. I met a few new friends. They are nice. They made me feel happy. I really like the school. I want to go to ***. It is the best school for me. Thank you mom for sending me there.

I have been reading many books this summer. I am very proud of myself. I am smart. I am brilliant. I am a genius. I am a rock star.  In the past, people thought I am dumb. People didn’t believe me. They gave me stupid stuff, stuff that is very insulting. They thought that I am stupid because I can’t talk. It drove me mad. It made me do things that I am not proud of.  Now I can prove them wrong.

I have been reading many books this summer. Some of them are about American history. Others are about science. I like all of them. There is one about Galileo. I really like it. It is sad that he had to lie to survive. The church made him say that the Sun is not the center and the earth does not move. I want to read more books. 

2020 was the year pandemic started. It was the most difficult year in my entire life. School was shut down. Therapies were stopped. Nobody told me what’s going on. I was very frustrated. I peed in my pants. I scratched myself. I scratched my family. In my way, I was trying to tell them that I am sad. But they didn’t get it. I was mad. I was trapped. I was in my prison of silence. I don’t know how I survived that. I was so sad, so sad. To this day, it pains me to think about that year.

We came to our vacation home in Russian River. I really like it. It makes me feel calm and peaceful. I like the view. We went to Bodega Bay yesterday. I had lots of fun. I like the beach. It is really warm. The sand is nice and soft. I ate rice and chicken for dinner. It was really good. After dinner, we watched a movie. I like the movie. It’s name is To Kill a Mockingbird. I like that it is not too dramatic. It leaves space for me to think. I wish to come here every weekend.

7/17/2022 I am very sorry that Lang got COVID. At the moment, I feel ok. I am sorry that Natalie cannot come. 7/19/2022 Lang got COVID from summer camp. He is quarantine at home. I can’t go to summer camp. It is very annoying. Mom and dad had to take time off from work to look after me. This is very stressful for them. I know it is not what they want. I feel sorry that Natalie cannot come. This is not fun. 7/26/2022 I am very happy that Lang is no longer sick with COVID. I am happy that I can play with him. I like to hug him. He smells good. He is my superhero. 

Timmy is my neighbor. He is nine years old. He is very kind. I like to have him at my house. At the moment, he is in Austria. I miss him. I like him a lot. He is very smart and kind. Ruby is Timmy’s mom. She is very kind. I like seeing her. So is Hannes, Timmy’s dad. I am happy that they are my neighbors. 

I like parties. I like to hang out with friends. Friends are very important to me. Even when I am not playing with them, I enjoy having them around. I have people say they don’t like me. That really hurts.

I love my dad. He is rad. It has been amazing to spend time with him. Today is my first time to spend time with him alone. I am so happy! I am like a bird, flying in the sky. I am like a fish, swimming in the sea. I am like a flower, smiling in the Sun.

I used to have lots of tantrums.  It is because I couldn’t communicate. It was very frustrating.  I couldn’t talk,  I couldn’t use sign language, I couldn’t use AAC.  I felt trapped, I felt pain, I felt frustrated. I hit myself, I hit my family, I hit my friends. After I use RPM, I am able to communicate. I am able to talk using the letterboard.  I am free from the prison of silence.  I am free to express myself. Few people in the world understand what it is like to not have a voice.  It is the most painful experience I have ever had. I am happy that I can talk now.  I want to help others. Everyone deserves to communicate!

Today we went to Russian River. We had a great time. I really like floating in the tube. It was lots of fun. I smelled something weird. It is weeds. I know it. People like this kind of stuff.  It is really nice to spend time with my family. I am very lucky to have such a loving family. I am so lucky to be alive with my mom, my dad, and Lang.  I love you mom. I love you dad. I love you Lang.  Mom is my rock. Dad is my lighthouse. Lang is my captain. I am the happiest when I am with them. I can conquer anything with their love. I can fly over the moon. I can sing, I can dance, I can talk!

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a book about a little boy name Charlie. His family is very poor. He loves chocolate. He won a golden ticket to go to the chocolate factory. There are five children together. He is the only one that passed the test. Mr Wonka wants him to look after the factory.

[Note from mom: Lang is away for overnight summer camp this week] 7/10/2022 Dear Lang,  I miss you. You are the best brother in the world. I am so sad that you are not home. It is so different without you around. I really miss you because you are my best buddy. I love you. I really want to see you. I love you. I really want to be with you.  7/11/2022 Dear Lang, This is the second day you are not home. I still miss you. You are like the star to me. I am lost without you. 7/14/2022 Lang is coming back tomorrow. I am very excited. It has been so long. I miss him so much.  He is like the star in the sky. He is like the Sun. He is my lighthouse. He is my beacon.  7/15 Hi Lang, I’m so glad that you are home.

I am at a summer camp. It is very fun. I like it. It has many activities. For example, I like the game of scavenger hunt today very much. It is lots of fun. I like to spend time with Ryan and Nabil. They helped me make friends. I was able to talk to other kids. That made me happy. 

I like science. It is an amazing tool to help us understand how the world works. For example, Newton’s theory about gravity explains how things work. It pulls objects towards each other. I really think that one day I will be able to create something that impacts people’s lives.

Magic Tree House is a series of books about Jack and Annie going to adventures. They are same age as me. I like them very much. Jack is a boy who likes to read. Annie is his sister. They went on many trips together. Sometimes they went back to history, like Ancient Rome. Sometimes they went to nature, like the rainforest. Jack is very smart. Annie is very brave. They helped each other on their journies. I think it is very amazing to be like them. 

I  can hear sounds that are far away. It is very difficult for me to focus. For example, I can hear Timmy laughing in his house right now. It is physically disturbing. I can hear Dad breathing in the living room. It is very annoying. I like to go to the beach because it helps me stay calm. I don’t like to go to public bathrooms because it is very loud, the sound of people, the flushing, and the hand dryer.

I am very happy. It is nice to meet Natalie again. She is very fun. I had a great time with her. She worked on the four grader book with me. She did well. I did well with her. That made me feel great. 

I am very happy. I feel like people are starting to believe me. I am seeing more and more people understanding who I am. I am very proud of myself. It is wonderful to know that I am smart. It makes me feel confident. I am confident that I can go to college. I am confident that I can change the world. Q: What has changed? What makes you feel confident now? A: I am definitely smart because I can work on four graders’ curriculum. [note: Yi will be in fourth grade in August. We worked on a 4th grade curriculum earlier today and he did really well.]

I want to go to college. It is my biggest dream. At the moment, I don’t know if it is possible. I am not learning anything. In the summer I am not learning much. That makes me feel nervous. I want to catch up. Mom, please help me learn.

[Below are writings initiated by Yi, before, during, and after we spent two days with mom’s friend from college, Vivian, and her son, Terrell.] 6/30, Thu Tomorrow I will meet a new friend. I am a little bit nervous. I am afraid that I will make s mess. I like to be with my family only. I don’t know if they will be mean. They might be very strict. I will be my best. I will try to learn how to make new friends. 7/1, Fri [in the morning] I am very nervous.  [End of day] I had a nice day today. It was lots of fun. It was the first time that I hung out with my friends. We had lots of fun. It is wonderful to have people who accept me as who I am. I feel amazing that I can just be myself. I want to spend more time with them.  7/2 [in the morning] I had early dreams. In my dreams, I was having a great time. I was talking to my friends. I am very happy. I am flying.  [in the evening] Today I had another great day. It was great to spend time with my friends. I am very happy that I can make new f

I want to go to *** school. It is very expensive. I know mom and dad are working very hard. I really appreciate it. I know it takes a lot to make that kind of money. I don’t want to take it for granted.  Mom, I want you to know that I love you very much. Dad, I want you to know that I appreciate you very much. I promise that I will do my best. I will make you proud. I will have a meaningful life. I will be my best version of me. 

We went to Paris when I was six. I had a great time. It is very fun. What makes it great was its many museums. I like the Louve. I like the Rodin museum. I like the Monet museum. I wish I could talk. I wish I could tell my parents that I love art. I wish I could live there. I am confident that one day I can overcome autism. 

Amelia Earhart is my role model. She is the first woman who flew across the Atlantic Ocean.  I am an autistic boy who can’t talk. People didn’t believe that I can understand. People have thought that I am dumb. I want to prove them wrong. I especially want to prove them wrong today.  I am smart. I am brave. I can fly. 

Mom is my friend. She is very amazing. I love her.  She is my star. In the darkest hours, she kept me sane. I don’t know if I can keep going without her. In the most vulnerable time, she gave me strength.  Mom, I love you.  Together we can cross the ocean.  Together we can reach the moon.  Together we can change the world.

I am nine years old. I like sports. It makes me sad that I can’t control my body. I usually watch other kids play.  You have no idea how much I like to play. To people with autism, it is very difficult to play.  You have no idea how much I desire to play with others. To people with autism, it is very difficult to watch others play without being able to participate! I pray that one day I can play with people. 

Lang is my older brother. He is eleven years old. I really like him. He is the best brother ever! He really loves me. He never complains no matter how my behaviors are. I am very fortunate to be his little brother.  I wish I can play with him.  I wish I can talk to him.  I know I can!  One day I will make him proud!  One day I will be an inspiration.  One day I will change the world.