Yi's Voice

I am in New Jersey this week to visit my friends for the first time. I have been having such a wonderful time. It is wonderful to be here with my friends. Yesterday we went to The Met, which is a really big museum with amazing collections that are truly astonishing. It was overwhelming for me at the beginning. I sat down in the room with many paintings by Van GoGh. I could feel his emotions in his paintings. It was too much for me to handle. I love him. I love him. I want to be with him in his studio in France. I love him so much. The rest of the museum is also really nice. I had such a wonderful time in The Met. I would love to go again tomorrow.  I am so proud of myself for being able to control my emotions.

Q: Why do you always have strong emotional reactions when you are hurt physically, even when it’s really just tiny little things? A: It is painful for me because it reminds me of the history of me trapped in silence. It was impossible for me to tell you what was going on. I didn’t have a way to tell you what happened to me, what hurt me, and how I felt. I was so lonely in my prison of silence. I didn’t have a voice.  But I am smart, I am strong, I will be strong, I will be tough, I will grow out of this.

Yesterday my book was published on Amazon . It was really exciting for me. I am so proud of myself. It is very empowering. I didn’t want to publish it. I thought I would be nervous. I thought people would not believe me. I was wrong.  I am glad that mom pushed me to do it. It is the best decision that I made this year. I  so happy to hear that it helped mom’s friend to decide to try RPM for her son John. I know this is going to change their lives in a good way. I am so happy! 

I was in a public school in the special needs room where they taught me baby stuff. I am now at OMS, a private inclusion school where I learn grade level curriculum.  It has been a transitional year for me.  I am reborn. I am so proud of myself. I am here with a voice. I am smart. I am teachable. I am a genius. It is the public schools that failed me. I especially want to say to the people  who didn’t believe in me:  You are wrong. You destroyed me. You made me feel like killing myself. But I am strong. I am going to live a meaningful life. I am going to help others who cannot talk. It is important to me that I want to tell my stories  so that more people understand people like me. I want to be heard. I have a voice.

I want to take this opportunity to say thank you to my amazing aide Natalie, my teachers Lisa, Ashley, Dr. Brien and my friends at OMS for believing in me. You made this school year the best ever for me. I have learned so much this year. It is amazing to look back and reflect. [Note from mom: Yi's currently a 4th grader in the DragonFly class (2nd - 4th grades). He will be in a new class after summer as a 5th grader. This is also the end of the school year for him in this new school.]

I was very sad that no one was paying attention to me when you were cooking this afternoon. It made me feel very lonely. I didn’t like it. It made me sad. But I am glad that you asked me after dinner. We get to talk about it and make some changes.  I am proud that I can talk to people about my emotions. It is great feeling to be able to share. I am glad that you told Dad. It is important that he understands me. I am grateful for your sensitivity. It is amazing to have you help talk to Dad about me. He is not as sensitive.  I am very happy right now because I was able to read out loud with Dad. It is wonderful.

I am very sad that I couldn’t stay at the birthday party because I was overwhelmed. It is really hard for me to stay there and watch others play. It makes me sad. I am really sad that I can’t play with them. My body is not able to. I am sad that I can’t play with them. I don’t know how. I don’t know why.  [Mom talked about apraxia and what that means. Mom also talked about how different teaching methods, OT, and physical training will help.] [Yi smiling] I like the idea of me speaking. 5/22/2023 I am much better today. It is very silly of me to be sad.

Dear Alfonso, I am reading your book. It is very powerful. I am emotional reading your book. Thank you for offering to be my friend. I am very grateful to have you to be my penpal. 

Yesterday I went to a conference at OMS. It was organized by my mom and Tina and Sarika. I went to a session called student panel. I was amazed by the students on the stage. They were able to stay calm in front of so many people. It was very inspiring. I want to be like them one day. I want to be on the stage one day. I want my voice to be heard. I want to publish my book.

I want to tell you that I am so proud of myself. I can control my emotions now. I don’t know what’s changed. I just feel like I am able to control myself. For example, I can stay calm when I am hurt by mom. She accidentally bumped into me. I would be really mad in the past, but not today. I am really proud of myself. 

Q: What is your favorite part of the school day? A: My favorite part of the school day is at the gym. It is a place where we hang out during free time. I can play with my friends there. I really like that I can make friends in the school. It makes me appreciate the school more. 

Q: If you could have any superpower, what would you choose?  A: I want to be able to read people’s mind. It will help me to understand what is on their mind. It will help me to understand why they do certain things. It will help me make friends because I will be able to understand their preferences. It is amazing if I can read people’s mind.

I am a smart and beautiful boy with autism.  I am strong,  I am witty,  I am the kindest person in the world. I want to fly.  I want to smile.  I want to reach the sky.  I am king Yi. 

I was really really upset when grandma said that I could talk, I just didn’t want to. I was so mad. I want to scream!  I would trade anything to be able to talk. It is my biggest desire. I really want to talk. I want to cry. I want to play a visit to grandma. I want to show her that I have made so much progress.  I want the whole world to know that I am smart. I want to show them what I am capable of. I especially what to show people in public school that I am smart.  I am so mad that people still don’t believe in me. They are either stupid or very evil. I really want to scream at them. I am so mad. I want to change the world. I want a world where everyone is treated with respect, including people with autism.  I really want to make a difference. I know I can.  I know I will.  I know I am capable. I know I am strong. I want to go to college and get a degree. I want to make a difference in the world. I will!! 

Today I went to see Lenae. I was very excited. I was nervous. I worried that she might be disappointed. I didn’t know if I had made enough progress. I was really worried that she could be disappointed about my progress. I was so relieved at the end that I was able to show her what I could do. I am so happy. I was able to spell on the iPad. I was able to type and speak. I was able to write and speak. I was able to hold the letterboard and spell. I am so proud of myself.  I love you mom. I am grateful for having you there to always push me and believe in me. I really appreciate it. I am so ecstatic. 

On Tuesday, mom and Lang came to OMS for  teacher parent conference. I was very excited. It is the first time I joined a meeting about me. It is my first time creating a portfolio. I was really proud of myself. I was there to participate. It was really nice to see that people appreciated my ability in school. I was very happy. It is refreshing to have a school that believes in me. 

In the morning, Luke gets up and goes to school with his mom. He is very excited about his day. He was nervous earlier. He is no longer afraid anymore. He decided to stop punishing himself. It has been very difficult. It is his biggest pain to not able to control his body. He is now ready to move on from self pity and self blaming. It is time to move on. 

I went to the theater to watch a movie for the first time in my life. It was very exciting. I almost cry. I almost die. I want to do it again. I was very nervous. I like the movie Wondering Earth II. I didn’t know the seats were so comfortable. I like it very much.

I am so happy that I have my gift. It is the first time that I have one. I really like it. I am so happy that I can tell mom what I want for birthday. It is exactly what I want. I want to say that I am really proud of myself for being able to communicate. I am so proud. I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for Lenae. I am thankful for RPM. I am so thankful for everyone who has helped me these past few years. I know how much it took to take care of me.